How to Identify Financial Abuse in a Relationship

How to Identify Financial Abuse in a Relationship Relationships Violence and Abuse Print How to Identify Financial Abuse in a Relationship By Sherri Gordon facebook twitter Sherri Gordon is a published author and a bullying prevention expert. Learn about our editorial policy Sherri Gordon Updated on January 19, 2020 Stas_V / Getty Images More in Relationships Violence and Abuse Spouses & Partners LGBTQ When most people think of domestic abuse, the first thing that comes to mind is likely verbal abuse and physical assault. But research shows that financial abuse occurs just as frequently in unhealthy relationships as other forms of abuse. In fact, a study by the  Centers for Financial Security  found that 99% of domestic violence cases also involved financial abuse.?? Whats more, financial abuse is often the first sign of dating violence and  domestic abuse. Consequently, knowing how to identify financial abuse is critical to your safety and security. What Is Financial Abuse? Financial abuse involves controlling a victims ability to acquire, use,  and maintain financial resources. Those who are victimized financially may be prevented from working. They also may have their own money restricted or stolen by the abuser. And rarely do they have complete access to money and other resources. When they do  have money,  they often have to account for every penny they spend.?? Overall, the forms of financial abuse vary from situation to situation. Sometimes an abuser may use subtle tactics like manipulation while other abusers  may be more overt,  demanding, and intimidating. In the end, the goal is always the sameâ€"to gain power and control in a relationship. While less commonly understood than other forms of abuse, financial abuse is one of the most powerful methods of keeping a victim trapped in an abusive relationship. Research shows that victims often are too  concerned about their ability to provide financially for themselves and their children to end the relationship. Plus, financial insecurity is one of the top reasons women return to an abusive partner.?? The Impact of Financial Abuse The effects of financial abuse are often devastating. Victims feel inadequate and unsure of themselves due to the emotional abuse that accompanies financial abuse. They also have to go without food and other necessities because they have no money. In the short-term, financial abuse leaves victims vulnerable to physical abuse and violence.?? Without access to money, credit cards, and other financial assets, its extremely difficult to do any type of safety planning. For instance, if an abuser is particularly violent and the victim needs to leave in order to stay safe, this is difficult without money or a credit card. And if they need to leave the relationship  permanently, it is challenging to find safe and affordable housing. They also struggle to provide for basic needs like food, clothing, and transportation. For those who do manage to escape an abusive situation, they  often face extreme difficulties in obtaining long-term housing, safety, and security.?? Victims often have spotty employment records, ruined credit histories, and mounting legal issues caused by years of financial abuse. Consequently, its very difficult for them to establish independence and long-term security. In fact, many victims stay with or return to abusers due to concerns about financial stability. Tactics Used by People Who Financially Abuse Others Overall, financial abuse is very isolating because victims often become financially dependent on their abusers. This financial dependence traps them in the relationship. Without resources, they are unable to see a way out of their situation. For this reason, its extremely important that women can identify financial abuse before it escalates and they are stripped of their credit histories and employment opportunities. Following is an overview of the way financial abuse is perpetrated. Some abusers may use all of these tactics while others may only use one or two. Regardless of whether the abusive person is using one tactic or 10, its still considered financial abuse. Here are some ways in which people are abused financially. Exploiting Your Resources   When a dating partner or spouse uses or controls the money you have earned or saved, they are exploiting your resources. Here are some examples of this exploitation. Trying to control your use of or access to money you have earned or savedUsing your assets for their personal benefit without askingTaking money or using  credit cards without permissionRuining your credit history by running up limits and then not paying billsClaiming to make payments or pay bills in your name but not following throughBorrowing money or making charges without repaying itFeeling entitled to your money or assetsDemanding that you turn over your paycheck, passwords, and credit cardsExpecting you to pay for  their bills or their obligationsUsing offers to help with your budget or financial decisions as a cover for gaining control over your financesRequiring you to bail them out of difficult financial situations?Confiscating your paycheck or other sources of incomeIntercepting or opening your bank statements and other financial recordsThreatening to lie to officials and claim you are cheating or misusing benefits ?Interfering With Your Job   When a dating partner or spouse attempts to control your ability to earn money or gain assets, they are interfering with your income potential.  Here are some examples of job interference. Criticizing and minimizing your job or choice of careerPressuring you to quit your jobâ€"sometimes even using children as an excuseTelling you where you can and cannot workSabotaging your work responsibilitiesHarassing you at work by calling, texting, or stopping byPreventing you from working by hiding your keys, unhooking your car battery, taking your car without permission, or offering to babysit and then not showing up ?Controlling Shared Assets and Resources When a dating partner or spouse has complete control over the money in the relationship and you have little or no access to what you need, this is controlling the family resources. Here are some examples of controlling shared resources and assets. Criticizing every financial decision you makeReducing your freedom to plan or budgetMaking large financial decisions without your inputRefusing to collaborate on financesHiding or taking funds and putting them in a private accountInsisting you share your income but refusing to share theirsRefusing to work or contribute to the family incomeControlling the “purse strings” or establishing unrealistic limits or  allowancesRequiring you to account for every penny you spend (may even ask for receipts and change)Having a double standard when it comes to spending (they may spend money on entertainment, dining out, and clothing but criticize you when you make similar purchases)Withholding financial information such as account passwords, account numbers, and investment informationLimiting your access to the overall financial picture as a coupleWithholding money from you or requiring you to ask for moneyDemanding that you ask permission before spending money but not consulting you when they make purchasesRequiring that large, joint purchases be in their name only (such as car loans, mortgages, cell phones, or apartment leases)Limiting your access to money by not allowing you to have bank accounts or credit cardsForcing you to sign financial documents without explanationsMaking threats to cut you off financially when you disagreeBecoming enraged over money and then engaging in other forms of abuse like name-calling or physical violenceEvading or refusing to pay child supportDragging out divorce proceedings in order to cripple you financially ?A Word From Verywell If you suspect that your partner or spouse is financially abusive, contact an advocate, a counselor, or a religious leader right away. Financial abuse is not something that gets better with time. In fact, it often escalates and can lead to other types of abuse. If you do not have a counselor or religious leader who can help, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE. The key is to address financial abuse right away.